


double up or quit, double stake or split

by bisousniall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Asexual Character, Asexuality, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 12:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4479899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisousniall/pseuds/bisousniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn has an embarrassing crush on Niall. There's just one big problem standing in his way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	double up or quit, double stake or split

**Author's Note:**

> This was a simple idea I had a while back, only it was distracting me from larger fics I've been working on, so I finally decided to just write it so it would stop taking over my brain! Also, obviously the only way to get over Zayn leaving is to write fic and pretend nothing has changed.
> 
> As always thanks to [Lindsay](http://archiveofourown.org/users/icecreamsocialist/profile) who is always very supportive of my ideas, and a big thanks to [Jess](http://bbgood.tumblr.com/) who gave me some great advice, and a quick read-through. 
> 
> Title is from Ace of Spaces by Motorhead.
> 
> Drug use is just weed, and there's only mentions, no actual descriptions of anyone using it.
> 
>  **Possible spoiler:** I'm not really sure if this would be considered triggering for anyone, but this fic includes an asexual character who thinks about having sex with someone just to make them happy. It doesn't actually happen, but there is discussion. Just thought I should mention that in case it makes anyone uncomfortable!

_May 2012_

Zayn doesn't make appearances at parties very often. It's not that he hates them, it's just that they drain him of energy. It's like after a party he just wants to sit in his room by himself for three days straight and not talk to anyone. Generally he prefers to spend time with close friends.

But for some reason Liam had practically begged him to show up to this particular party. He wouldn't mention why but he knows Harry Styles is here tonight, and he knows Liam has been crushing on him pretty hard for most of the year. He figures that has a lot to do with it.

Sure enough, half an hour into the party Zayn is sitting by himself on the couch of some guy he doesn’t even know while Liam chats up Harry across the room. He isn’t alone for long because a boy he’s never seen before stumbles over and collapses on the couch next to him. He clinks his red solo cup against Zayn’s beer bottle like they’re cheersing before he introduces himself.

“I’m Niall. I saw you sitting by yourself and decided to come say hi,” he explains.

“I’m Zayn.”

“Zayn, I hope you don’t mind me saying you are way too beautiful to be sitting by yourself at a party,” Niall says with a lazy grin that makes Zayn’s stomach flutter a bit.

“I don’t mind at all.”

Niall goes to take a drink from his cup and Zayn uses those quick few seconds to take everything about this boy in. His blonde hair is messy and shaggy where it’s tucked underneath a snapback, he’s got braces on his teeth, he’s pale and skinny, has bright red cheeks and is dressed like he’s going for a game of basketball instead of a party. Zayn hates himself in this minute because why is he is weirdly into it? Maybe it’s the accent.

“How come I haven’t seen you around before?” Zayn asks.

“Just moved from Ireland a couple months ago, although I’ll admit I have seen you around school before.”

“You have? _Ugh_ , sorry mate. I just get lost in my own, like, head sometimes, you know?” Zayn wants to smack himself, the beer is making his mouth looser and he knows he sounds like an actual twat.

Niall just laughs, though. “It’s alright, I totally get it.”

Just then a girl Zayn actually knows named Cher pops up over Niall’s shoulder and whispers in his ear. Niall gets that lazy grin on his face again.

“Sorry mate, I’ve got to go help Cher out with something,” Cher giggles then. “Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll see you later. Have fun.”

Niall smiles and claps a hand on Zayn’s knee before pushing himself off the couch and following Cher into the crowd. Zayn tries to pretend like it doesn’t hurt.

“Making friends, are we?”

Zayn jumps a bit, he was too busy watching Niall to notice Liam sneaking up behind him.

“What happened to Harry?”

Liam shrugs and sits down next to Zayn on the couch. “Had to go to the toilets. And don’t think you can change the subject like that on me, I saw you talking with Niall. You looked proper into him.”

Zayn winces a bit. “Not like it really matters anyways.”

“You never know what someone is gonna be like until you give them a chance, and you never give anyone a chance.”

“He ran off with Cher, anyways. It would never work out, there’s no point in putting myself out there when I know it won’t work.”

Liam just shrugs and claps a hand around Zayn’s shoulders. Zayn knows Liam is just trying to make sure he's happy, because he's a really good friend. But Zayn just isn't ready to put himself out there. Especially to some guy he barely knows, just because his grin made his stomach do somersaults. It just isn’t worth it.

+

_May 2015_

"So I saw your boy last night," Harry says over breakfast one morning. Zayn isn't even sure when the last time he'd been back to his own place was, or if he even had his own place anymore. All Zayn knows is ever since him and Liam started fucking on a regular basis, he's been hanging around like a dirty shirt.

"'s not my boy," Zayn mumbles into his cornflakes. It's early, Harry and Liam have already been up and for a run, now Liam is in the shower while Harry sips from some nasty looking green smoothie at their dinette. Zayn has to open the pet store at 9 am and he basically wants to die, and definitely does not want to hear what Harry has to say about Niall Horan.

"So where was he?" Okay, maybe he did want to hear. Call it morbid curiosity.

"Out for dinner with that blonde girl who graduated a few years before us. I didn't serve them, but I stopped and chatted a bit."

"Laura," Zayn supplies. He already regrets asking for details.

Its just Zayn's shit luck that he happened to develop a massive crush on the most sex obsessed (and successful at it too, seemingly) guy in their school. Zayn thought it would end as soon as they graduated, but him and Harry run in a lot of the same circles, so Harry sees him all the time. Even Zayn has managed to run into him a few times. Niall intimidates him, is the problem. He knows Niall thinks he’s attractive, he’s been told by Niall himself, after all. But the issue with Niall is his undeniable sexuality. Almost as soon as Niall moved to their school there had been rumours about his sex life, involving half the people that were in their grade, including the males.

And it's just that Zayn, well. That's not something he's interested in. He's thought it over more times than he can count. If he was ever in a situation in which Niall Horan wanted to have sex with him, would he be able to go through with it? It always comes down to the same issues. 1) Yes, he probably could. He has had sex before, after all. And he's really attracted to Niall. 2) He wants Niall in more than a sexual way. In the opposite of a sexual way, actually. 3) If he could get Niall interested in him for more than a one night stand, would he want to engage in multiple sexual activities that Niall Horan would no doubt want from him? 4) No. He would not want that.

Essentially Zayn can’t win.

“Yeah, Laura. Wasn’t she one of his hookups?”

“Harry, please. I don’t need this first thing in the morning.”

+

The pet store is never busy until the afternoon, and Zayn has never really been sure why the boss insists on opening at nine every day except Sundays. Zayn is sitting at the front counter by himself, doodling on a piece of receipt paper, nearly falling asleep, when the bell of the front door chimes. He jumps to his feet, ready to greet his first customer of the day but his ‘hello welcome to PetValue,’ is cut off when he sees who it is coming through the door.

“Niall?”

“Zayn!” Niall greets him with a big smile. “I didn’t know you worked here, how have you been?”

“Good, I guess. Just working a lot.” Zayn answers, still in a bit of a daze over seeing Niall. _Here_. In his _workplace_. “How are you?”

“Not bad, only I’m having a bit of a pet related crisis. Mia, my cat, she gets wet food every Thursday, only I forgot to pick some up yesterday, and the store I usually get it from doesn’t open until eleven, and I have class at eleven. So I’m really, really hoping you guys have what I need,” Niall explains so quickly Zayn almost can’t keep up, especially because his brain is stuck on the fact that Niall Horan has a _cat_. And he thought he couldn’t be more endeared.

“Uhhh, ok well. Let me take you to the cat food aisle, hopefully we can help you out.”

Five minutes later Zayn is ringing ten tins of cat food through the till while Niall thanks him profusely. "Really, Mia knows how to hold a grudge, and if I made her wait until after I got home from work for her wet food? She'd never get over it."

"It's alright, really. It's what I get paid for."

"It was really nice seeing you, it's been a while. Hey, Louis and I are throwing a party tomorrow night if you're interested. I invited Harry yesterday. You guys are mates, right?"

 _Harry failed to mention that_ , Zayn thinks to himself. "Yeah, uh, I might do that. We’ll see.” Zayn realizes that basically sounded like a resounding _nope_ , but Niall smiles anyways.

“I’ve got to run, but hopefully I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye Niall, have a good day."

+

To make a long story short, Zayn ends up skipping the party. He psychs himself up and then crashes back down so many times that he’s exhausted by it before the party even happens. Not to mention when he gets home from work Thursday night and tells Liam and Harry about what happened they’re absolutely _incessant_. They bug him about it all night, and then when Zayn goes to work the next day they text him almost every hour about going. Zayn knows it’s petty but sometimes when they pester him about something so much it makes him want to do the opposite of whatever it is they want him to do. By the time his shift ends on Friday he's convinced himself that Niall only invited him to be polite, because Niall has always been too nice. Also he's quite certain he doesn't want to witness Niall disappearing into his room with a girl or a boy.

So he doesn’t go.

He doesn’t work on Saturday so when he rolls out of bed after noon, Liam is napping on the couch with his feet on Harry’s lap, and Harry is eating a yogurt parfait for lunch. Zayn collapses on the easy chair with a yawn.

“You missed a banger last night, mate.”

"I'm sure I did," Zayn replies. He's not really sure if he's ready to have this conversation yet. His brain is barely functioning and he knows if he needs to tell Harry off he won’t be able to do it properly yet. Of course Harry doesn’t take the hint and seems dead set on discussing it right then and there.

“Something interesting happened though.”

“I’ll bet it did.”

“Zayn, I’m being serious! You know Barbara?”

Of course Zayn knows Barbara. She was the subject of most of the Niall rumours. There was even one about how they got off in a janitor closet together. Zayn wasn’t sure about that one, but he was pretty sure a lot of the others were true.

“What about her?”

“She was at the party last night, and at around midnight I saw her follow Niall into his room, then about fifteen minutes later Liam and I saw her in the kitchen eating doritos.”

Zayn waits for Harry to continue, but Harry just stares at him like he was supposed to have some sort of reaction to that terrible story.

“I’m not really sure what the point of that story was, maybe he finishes really fast, I don’t know.”

“That’s what we were thinking, but then Liam asked her and-”

“Liam _asked_ her? What the fuck?”

“You know how he gets when he’s drunk sometimes, can’t hold anything in. So he blurted out something along the lines of ‘can’t Niall get it up for more than five minutes?’ and Barbara just stared at him like he was a fucking idiot, which was fair enough. Then she says ‘how would I know?’ so I decide to step in and I say ‘sorry, we just saw you go into his room a few minutes ago, but it’s none of our business,’ and I try to lead Liam away. But then she says ‘yeah he just wanted to check on his cat and then we took a couple hits from his bong, and now I’m eating Doritos.’ So there, Niall and Barbara have never had sex.”

“Harry, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but just because Niall and Barbara didn’t have sex last night doesn’t mean they never have and-”

“Yeah but she said ‘how would I know that’ which I would take to mean she never has.”

“Alright, so maybe they haven’t had sex but there’s still everyone else. Like Laura and Amy, and Demi, and Mel, and Holly, and then there’s the guys like Josh, and Eoghan, and-and fuckin _David_.”

“Alright, but don’t you think it’s weird that in the three years we’ve known him he’s never had a proper dating partner? No one has ever seen him do anything with anyone, it’s always just been rumours. And I’ve been to countless parties with him and I’ve never actually seen him _with_ anyone.”

At this point Liam is starting to stir from his nap, and Zayn is getting a bit annoyed. He knows Harry is just trying to be supportive but his unwavering optimism sometimes does more damage to Zayn than it does good. He takes a deep breath and reminds himself to stay calm.

“Harry, I know you just want this to have a happy ending but sometimes crushes don’t pan out, especially for people like me.”

Liam is fully awake by this point, sitting up on the couch next to Harry. He looks like he’s about to protest but Harry beats him to it.

“You know you’re not the only asexual person on the planet, right? I hope you don’t think that.”

Zayn scoffs. “I don’t think that, I know there’s plenty of other people like me, I just don’t think they live here,” Zayn shrugs, leans back in his chair and closes his eyes. He’s just woken up but he’s already wanting to fall back asleep.

+

Zayn is shocked, to say the least, when Niall shows up again at the pet store the following Wednesday. Once again the store greeting he’s supposed to give everyone who walks in falls by the wayside.

“You didn’t come to my party on Friday.” Apparently Niall isn’t in the mood for greetings, anyways.

“Er, yeah about that, it’s just that I was-”

“Harry told me you thought it was a pity invite.”

 _Fucking Harry_. And he thinks _Liam_ can’t keep his mouth shut when he’s drunk.

“Um…”

“Well, I just wanted you to know it wasn’t. And that we’re having another get together this Saturday and that you should come, and this isn’t a pity invite either. I really want you there, Zayn.”

“Uh, okay. I’m really sorry.” Niall doesn’t really seem that angry about it, but Zayn still feels like a bit of an asshole.

“It’s okay, just show up to this one, alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

+

“So he came into the store just to tell you it wasn’t a pity invite? And to invite you to his next party?”

Zayn blows out the smoke of his cigarette before he stubs the end out on the brick wall in the back alley of the pet store. He’s only got a few minutes left of his lunch break.

“Yeah pretty much.”

“So, he’s super into you.”

“Maybe. But then he’ll find out I don’t want to ever take it past hand holding and kissing. Then he’ll think I’m a freak, and then that’ll be that.”

Liam sighs heavily. Zayn knows he’s being frustratingly stubborn, but he’s had to learn how to protect himself. He doesn’t want to get hurt, and it’s not that he thinks Niall would be an outright asshole to him about it, but he’s seen the looks on people’s faces when he tries to explain to them. _No it’s not that I’m just not in the mood, I just don’t like to do it. I get no enjoyment out of it, it’s not what I strive for._ And he’d just rather not go through with that with Niall.

+

Against his better judgement he ends up at the party on Saturday night, despite attempts to make excuses to miss it. He tried saying he was sick, but Harry and Liam didn’t buy it. He even tried saying there was a family dinner that night but Liam actually _called_ his mother to find out.

He’s about two beers in before he even sees Niall. Niall has always been a social butterfly, and he’s definitely living up to that part now. Zayn watches as he flits around from person to person, group to group, making everyone feel welcome in his home. Zayn slips into the kitchen just before Niall sees him.

He’s about four beers and two tequila shots in when Niall finally corners him on the couch.

“Zayn!” Niall exclaims, somewhat drunkenly before flopping down next to him on the couch. Zayn gets a bit of deja vu only last time this happened, Niall didn’t know his name. And Niall has grown up so much in the last three years. His hair is styled up artfully, he doesn't have braces anymore, and he’s wearing a nice plaid patterned button down with his sleeves rolled up and wonderfully tight blue jeans. He looks amazing, and Zayn makes a really stupid and really drunk decision right then and there. If Niall wants to sleep with him, then Zayn will sleep with him. If anything, he can get Niall off with his hand or mouth and then insist he doesn’t need anything in return. Maybe it’s a terrible idea, but Zayn is drunk and he wants Niall’s attention in any way he can get it.

“Are you drunk?” Zayn asks, way louder than he probably has to.

Niall just laughs and holds up his beer. “Yeah, mate.”

“Do you wanna, like, make-”

“Hey! You should come meet Mia, do you wanna see her? She’s in my room.”

Zayn thinks back to what Harry had said about never actually seeing him with anyone. Maybe he just really values his privacy.

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

Zayn grabs his beer and follows Niall through the crowd and down the hallway towards his room. He’s got a lock on the door, which is probably smart considering how many parties they throw, and he’s left his bedside lamp on. Mia, who is asleep on a cat bed in the corner of his room, is a sweet little orange tabby who stirs slightly with a confused _mrr_ when Zayn bends down to pet her. But she allows Zayn to scratch between her ears and under her chin, and even starts to purr a bit.

“What a sweetheart,” Zayn says, turning back to where Niall is sitting at the edge of his bed.

“Isn’t she? She’s my big baby.”

After a couple more seconds of petting her, Zayn decides to let her go back to sleep, and to join Niall on the bed. A couple of awkward moments pass before Zayn decides to speak up.

“Niall, listen,” Zayn doesn’t even have anything else to say planned, but it doesn’t matter because Niall presses their lips together before he can even continue. Niall’s lips are warm and kind of dry, and their mouths aren’t even open but Zayn feels like he’s melting. Zayn already feels overwhelmed, but then Niall nudges his mouth open, then their tongues brush lightly and it’s like his brain short circuits and all he can manage to think is _THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING_. And also _I could do this all night_. And also _why would anyone want to do more than this_?

They kiss for ages. Zayn doesn’t even know how long, everything is a blur of the numbness of his lips, the wetness of their tongues, and the dull throb of music and drunk chatter beyond the walls of his bedroom. _Okay_ , Zayn thinks to himself. _Let’s just do this_. He tries to lower his hands from Niall’s back to his arse in order to pull him over onto his lap, but as soon as he reaches his hips, Niall pulls back from the kiss. Zayn is worried he fucked things up already, but Niall doesn’t look mad. He’s just flushed red from alcohol and has a dopey smile over his kissed-red lips.

“Hey, let’s slow down a minute. Let me grab something.”

Niall pushes to his feet, and walks over to his dresser to start digging through the top drawer.

 _Oh God, he’s getting a condom or lube or something_. Zayn is freaked out but he doesn’t want to actually scare Niall away, so he removes his t-shirt and tosses it into the corner.

“Why are you undressing?” Niall asks. Zayn looks up from where he’s undoing his pants to see Niall standing in front of him, holding a joint and a lighter, and definitely no sex paraphernalia.

“Uh…” Zayn replies eloquently.

“Did you think we were gonna have sex?” Niall asks, he looks just as confused as Zayn feels.

“Well, you invited me into your room.”

“Just to see Mia! And I was gonna see if you wanted to smoke up a bit, Jesus. I mean, sorry. No, this is my fault, I totally see how this looks now. But, um, the thing is I don’t really do that.”

“That?” Zayn really wishes he hadn’t drank all that alcohol, because his brain is not doing a good job of keeping up with what Niall is trying to tell him.

“The sex thing.”

“So like…”

“I’m asexual. It means I don’t enjoy it, or-”

“I know what it means, I’m just trying to, like, wrap my head around...I mean what about all the rumours?”

“The rumours? You believe those?”

Zayn felt like a damn idiot. “I mean, not all of them…but you were always disappearing with guys and girls, what was everyone supposed to think?”

Niall laughs. “Yeah, I guess that is a bit suspect.” He sits back down on the bed next to Zayn. “I just didn’t want to share my weed stash with the whole party, y’know. I can’t afford that shit.”

Zayn has never been so happy to be wrong about anything in his whole life. He laughs helplessly for a few seconds before Niall finally interrupts him.

“How did you know I was always disappearing with people at parties? You were never at any of those parties.”

“Harry and Liam would always fill me in, they knew I like...had a crush on you and stuff.” Zayn mumbles the last bit, hopes maybe Niall didn’t hear him, but no such luck.

“Well, shit this is kind of awkward. I always had a crush too, I think. It always took me so long to figure it out because I never actually wanted to have sex with anyone. Sorry to let you down, though, if you thought you were gonna get laid tonight or whatever.”

“It’s alright, really, I didn’t want to have sex with you either.”

Niall looks confused again as he points to the shirt Zayn flung across the room.

“You’re the one who took your top off though.”

“Well, yeah because I thought _you_ wanted to have sex with _me_ , but I’m like, well I’m like you. I’m ace, I think.”

Niall face changes from his usual affable expression to a serious, unreadable one that has Zayn a bit nervous.

“Are you fucking with me? Because it’s not very funny if you are.”

“No, I swear, I’ve had this like, massive embarrassing crush on you for ages and I never thought you would go for it because I thought you were some kind of sex maniac because I’m a fuckin’ _knob_ who believes everything I hear.” And Harry is gonna rub this in his face for _months_.

"So you're telling me we were both crushing on each other but thought it wouldn't work because of our asexuality."

"We're fucking idiots." Zayn concludes.

“Seriously." Niall agrees. "Let’s just get back to snogging, because that was aces,” Niall says with an eyebrow wiggle.

Zayn punches him in the shoulder for the terrible pun, but pulls him into another kiss anyways. He’s in love with a fucking idiot.

**Author's Note:**

> I've always really wanted to write an ace fic, but I've always been very nervous to. I guess one of the reasons is because I know everyone experiences asexuality differently and it's so varied, I've been nervous of people reading my work and saying "hey, I'm ace and this isn't how I feel!"
> 
> So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've written this just from my own experience and from what I've heard from a few other people, and that there's no "right" way to experience asexuality. This is just one way.
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr post](http://bisousniall.tumblr.com/post/125650410412/double-up-or-quit-double-stake-or-split)


End file.
